Before you read too far, a warning: This post is a bit whiny and needy.
I’ve recently acknowledged that there is a void in my life. And this void can only be filled by one of two things:
– a baby
– a horse, whom I will treat like my baby
Of course, at this time my husband does not think that either of these solutions to my depression are feasible. He knows how much horses cost (damn my parents) and its true, they are an expensive hobby. And a baby is at LEAST an 18 year investment- though at the rate kids are going nowadays, possibly a 30 year investment.
I’m currently happy with about 50% of my life; I like our new home. Some days I like my job, and other days I want to storm out screaming obscenities- but that’s mostly people related, I enjoy what I do. I don’t like that I feel isolated now, making new friends at my age and in my profession is not easy. I’m by myself 90% of my day, and while some of my co-workers are my age they are out in the field while I’m at the nursery so.. not much time for making connections there.
Having Maddie here for 2 weeks didn’t help my homesickness very much either.
Maybe I just need a different hobby, one that engages my brain so that I don’t have time to think..I have A LOT of time to think while I’m at work, and then I come home and think some more. Which is non-productive of course. ARGH!