Before you read too far, a warning: This post is a bit whiny and needy.


I’ve recently acknowledged that there is a void in my life. And this void can only be filled by one of two things:

– a baby

– a horse, whom I will treat like my baby

Of course, at this time my husband does not think that either of these solutions to my depression are feasible. He knows how much horses cost (damn my parents) and its true, they are an expensive hobby. And a baby is at LEAST an 18 year investment- though at the rate kids are going nowadays, possibly a 30 year investment.

I’m currently happy with about 50% of my life; I like our new home. Some days I like my job, and other days I want to storm out screaming obscenities- but that’s mostly people related, I enjoy what I do. I don’t like that I feel isolated now, making new friends at my age and in my profession is not easy. I’m by myself 90% of my day, and while some of my co-workers are my age they are out in the field while I’m at the nursery so.. not much time for making connections there.

Having Maddie here for 2 weeks didn’t help my homesickness very much either.

Maybe I just need a different hobby, one that engages my brain so that I don’t have time to think..I have A LOT of time to think while I’m at work, and then I come home and think some more. Which is non-productive of course. ARGH!


One response to “Yearning?

  1. We had a big baby discussion last night … which then stretched into going back to school (I’m making that degree happen for multiple reasons, broader job possibilities just in case and of course $, being the primary). Sig-O’s clock is ticking (funny kinda) and I have my own rules about having said bay-bay (two before 35 would be optimal since the risks skyrocket after that). Oh and we would like to have a house or be in process of getting one before I pop a baby out. More ridiculousness to add to the pile :/

    We always talk about how to make friends, since as you well know, having quality long distance friends can only do so much unfortunately (love you dearly!) How to make new friends and finding things to do with ourselves that are cost effective are always at the top of our discussion/argument list.

    I feel ya pain sistah friend!!!

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